HeRe a NeW ChApTeR oF LiFe BeGiNs

2007-08-09T03:04:00.000+08:00

before i start blogging, about the last post~* yep... the book's wif her... hahas.. and i'm more than glad she admitted that to me b4 i even had the chance to buy the new one~ lucky me... forgiven and forgotten... though its abit ironic that she gotta apologize to me too...

Thursday... national day parade... eh? and i'm here rushing through my exams studies while... "she" rushing through her projects... lols~* i jus went through her blog... one of her post made me laugh.. hahas.. check this out..

" "I was laughing away.. while reading my sis blog.. she wrote.. "there's a flatten insect with 6 legs on top of a part of the table so disgusting yes. it looks disgusting." that was a spider... with thin long legs and was announced dead few days ago while i was rushing assignments infront of the pc. hmm... my palm juz "PIAK" on it.. then die le.. alot of blood somemore... DISGUSTING.. hahaa"

and since when does a spider have 6 legs? oh well... back to where i was, thursday... today... national day parade... 3:10am now... and here i am, still stuck in midway of a module... exams wud start on nex monday~* and crap, as usual... i haven't started anything yet... lecture 7 completed, and hereby wanted to take a break a lil while...

times and times... since the PSLE... and then to N levels, and then O levels... times... and times... again and again... i've never failed to prepare them in a last min kinda way... all the way through, i've passed them all almost wif flying colors jus wif a day of study... but jeez... something jus keep bugging me this time... i've got a feeling i might not make it through this time... jeez... thursday, friday, saturday and sunday... pulling saturday off for i wanted to head to east coast for some exercises, thats if provided if i get company, for i've kinda promised myself never to go out alone shopping around and counting couples again, i'm left with 3 more days... 4, if no companies were to come wif me to ecp~* who wud anyway?

ya... and study i do... getting as bored... i kinda am surprised i actually cud draw in the "Paint" programme in my computer too~* kinda cool eh?! these.. 2.. i drawn them... believe it okay?! hehe... man~* but who's there to appreciate them... lols~* so much that i wanted to share them wif someone... who's to share with? kinda realized i'm getting more and more isolated... reminds me of the secondary sch years.. ah! correction.. worse though... i've got a couple of them, as in frens, way back then... now's simply pathetic... my fren? ahh.. Epselyn... my laptop.. my friend.. =.=!! right on babe..

oh well.. whatever... 3:18am now... 8mins break... and used for blogging and blog jumping... stopped for now... back to studies... *like i cud concentrate at all* hmmm~*

GOD DAMN!! why are there ANTS on my desk! =.=!! 6-legged creatures!! *PIAK*

2007-08-02T11:05:00.000+08:00

"What the hell~?!"
"How Do u expect me to borrow you things when the next time comes?"

These, already flashing in my mind after immediate knowledge that "Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince" isn't in my bag where it's suppose to be.. But... Definitely, there's something amiss~* Something's just, not right...

I was in the Mrt waiting for the train to arrive... When friends suddenly coming, some good, or maybe the bestest best friends of yun's, telling me that yun wanted the book back now~ like immediately... and there, that's where and when i realized the book's missing... but crap, they're so totally obvious~* as if hinting me that the book's already gone... as if, they'd already know that the book's gone~*

of course, i got anxious... although believing that the book wont be at the exact same location where i left it and forgot to retrieve back from the lecture hall i placed, i still, out of stupidity, went out of the station and paced off back to the lecture hall... and there, the exact location where i've last placed the book, gone~*

i didn't expect the book to be there anyway... but still, as guilty~* i've lost the book... a book that'll cost me a total of $48... symptoms of having a heart attack... chest ached, dizziness... i tried to contact yun~* called her handphone thrice b4 she actually switched her phone off... oh, and i'm talking about a friend here who'd manage to answer my calls at the first trial of calling for the past 1 year~ to the extend of even having lessons... now, 3 times in a row, the phone diverted me to the "please-leave-a-message-after-the-tone" voice machine~* and the 4th time i tried, already knowing where the book is confidently, the phone, is been switched off...

at that same night, my mum got discovered, finally... of searching my dad's bag and viewing his handphone secretly late at night by my dad... not like i wanted her to be discovered, but i despise her act... her mistrust... she actually believed my dad had been messing around with females and sluts in the outside world... a quarrel occured... was 2am in the night i remembered... my mum cried... but well, like i'm already not depressed enuff... dad slept at my usual location, not in their room tonight... whereas i, was forced to go back to my room to sleep... a place i always didn't like to enter~* god knows why...

Next day... today... i recited everything... hoping for her to pull me away from deprivation that the book's with her now... not exactly everything though, but honestly, although without my view about what i think actually happened... her expected emotions were not as huge as i expect them to be... broking off to a "what the hell" and ended almost immediately... she didn't seem too depressed to have the book gone in my hands... what exactly do that mean? i wudn't wanna say much... then, was it me... or did i actually caught her fren grinning to her secretly...

yes, i promised to buy a new one for her... whereby that's what i should ever do... but a $48 gone... i'm already having not enuff to spend in a week, keeping myself in control of what i buy, NOT AND NEVER doing any shopping or to the extend of BUYING any unnecessary or NECESSARY items i need... bag's broken and i've gotta resumed to using a bag i've been using for the past 4 years in my secondary years... i cud only take that as a lesson i've oughta learn... in anyway, it had, well... in the least, very clear, what a friend i had... for as, i still believed, the book's in her home somewhere... can u believe it? she's now still chatting and laughing, through her conversations with her frens.. jus a few metres away from me... especially after her precious half blooded prince gone?? the one that she don't even allow a single scratch on it... gone... and there she is, still talking and laughing as though its still safe in my hands...

but in either way, i might be completely wrong about all these... she might not even have had it... i'm not trying to say i believe she actually didn't have the book with her, but more like, there might be certain percentages that she really is been honest... that its me, having a grudge and having some delusions that the book, is still in her home somewhere...

and yes, i still believe the book's in her home somewhere... a grudge... $48... my family that is... seemed to always continously oweing people money~* cheated somehow... dad, still a 10k off debt... my brother, still a 2k much to pay for his incoming stupid bills he'd budge in calling those sickening chatlines... not that like i'm poor enuff... still in a 1k debt off to my dad for this lappy i've had... *sigh* what the hell fuck did i do to deserve all these...

ahhh~* no point complaining... return the book, and forget everything... god damn i'm never gonna borrow anything from her again... dishonest piece of crap~*

alrighty.. cool down nigel~* @__@ hmmmm~* trying very hard to believe, that she'd been honest................

*god damn fuck*

2007-07-15T01:55:00.001+08:00

We enjoy warmth because we have been cold.
We appreciate light because we have been in darkness.
By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness~

2007-07-09T23:46:00.001+08:00

here's 2 post that i'm going to pass up to my CI~

appearantly, as cunning as i can be... i think they're both biased jus to make CIs happy~ and i think she's gonna be... although, yes... its my honest feelings about everything there, but they're all biased to the extend of entertaining the CI~ see if those worked~

2007-07-09T23:45:00.003+08:00

Whoaaaa~ as friendly as the dengue site can be, the “members” site ain’t much friendly~ each time I said Hi to them, or greet them Morning/Afternoon, they would just… stare… @__@ especially room 30… gosh… he even complaint on the 2^nd time I went in to greet him on alternate days~ that isn’t nice?! Is it? Yea~ it’s so not nice… =(

But however… I think I could understand… imagine… kay? Imagine… Nigel, you’re infected with HIV~ your thighs rotting… you’re bed bound, and you’ve.. say… 3 tubes coming from your body… you’ve got a stoma bag attached to your abdominal area… and you have……………………………………………………………………. Zzz…

YUCK!!!!! Definitely I wouldn’t wanna live anymore.. I’d rather die than have those on my body… CORRECTION!!! I’d rather die to have any ONE of those on me… damn~ those people are strong… @__@ don’t they feel like dying? No no no, please don’t feel like dying~ geex~ I would go depressed talking to you people too.. T.T gosh… real strong if they can choose to live on like this~

But well… I’m certainly not giving up~ jus look at the consultant~ Man~~~ everyone responded to him~ the consultant~ gosh… he deserves to be in that position~ he’s so… extremely caring~ and very knowledgeable too~ it’s definitely cool to have him around~

But man~ I really am having a hard time talking to them… especially room 30… especially him~ after getting complaints from him directly that I keep entering and that its annoying, I’ve never really entered to that particular room again till the CI asked me to… Dressing~ his dressing~ Gore~~ Disgusting… I really cannot imagine even a centimeter of that in between my legs… it’ll be sooo… annoying, irritating, and everything~ its soo… yuckie~!! Yuck!! Oh gosh… I don know if it’s sympathy or what… but… I really do want to help him… but with him groaning every minute we touched him? Gosh.. I give up~

He’s so difficult!!! Oh but.. yes.. geex… I’m impressed with the CI too on this… she’s so patient with him~ soooo really patient… *If only my mum’s like her~* at that particular moment, with each time he groans… with each time more he groaned, he pisses me off… *Man~ we’re here to help you!!! Can’t you help us to help you too?!?!* or did he not realize we are helping?? =.= but oh well… really… I wouldn’t want enter that room. again… lols~ I’ve left the vital sign taking all to Felma~ particularly that room.. hehe… *I’m so mean~~* (Yes yes I know~ >.<)

But really… if I were to be attached to the “members” site instead of to the dengue site, I would probably have different ideas and 2^nd thoughts, on whether to really want to choose CDC or not… they’re really so hard to work with~ if at the “members” site, the only thing I would love, will be left with the nurses I’m working with, the doctors to joke with and to know more bio-ly, and the CI to guide us around… which meant, one main factor lesser to enjoy… the patients~ which is really more than what all working as a nurse is about… geex~~ do the students know how much fun it is to work at the dengue site??

No no no… gosh I don want to work with the “members”~ maybe helping out? Yea, maybe~ but gosh… I love the dengue site more… no biasness~ but the “members” are so really hard to work with… really… T.T

@__@ wait till the CI sees this… wonder if she’d scream at me…

NYP YEAR 2

Nursing Student

Nigel Chua

2007-07-09T23:45:00.001+08:00

Attachments????? You mean attachments in CDC???? Man I love them!!!!!! Gosh~ I seriously seriously seriously love them!!! Staff Nurses here are all so friendly, Patients in my site (Dengue site) are ALL so nice to talk to~~~ and I meant all, all of them… they’re all so easy to be approached to!!! Oh gosh~ if only my mum could stop saying things like “get outta there asap when you finished work”, “BATHE NIGEL BATHE!!! NOW!!! IMMEDIATELY!!!!” Darn~ she’s so not sure how clean the procedures are in the hospital~ oh well.. technically, I don’t expect her to be, her education level proves it~ *that’s mean* (I know that) =P

But ohh…. I really do love my attachments… staff nurses there are all so…. Easy going!!! Awwww~ this is all so different from the attachments I’ve been to the last time… all so… strict~ I remembered some sentences they’ve said~~~

“Oh no, did you really do that in that way!?!”

“Nigel? Oh no… not him please…”

“Does he really knows where to put those stuff?”

“Are you sure Nigel knows anything more than talking??”

Man~ I do things okay?!?! Didn’t you realize?? =P hehe… well.. I made them up~ they’re not true… =P hehe… its my diary anyways~ heheeee…. But seriously… its been so strict in the other hospital settings~ well… at least I know that I didn’t really talk that much in other hospital than here… especially to staff nurses… I’ve never talked to them so much than in CDC~ all that I’ve done talking to them in other hospitals are “Thank you”, “Sure” and “Sorry”~ that’s all~ we’ve never went into more detailed stuffs like where’re you from~ where am I from~ what you like~ what I like~ kinda thing… but gosh… they’re really friendly… the CDCs ones~ hehe… Well~ at least compared to the other hospitals, I know where almost all staff nurses in CDCs are from~ hehe… Felma~ Ther-re-sa (shit~ how to spell that?!) Mother Teresa~ but hers with H… so… Theresa~ yea~ guess so… oops… guess I’ll make sure tomorrow~ hehe… there is a “sha sha” too… oh gosh~~ basically… all of them are friendly… all of them~~ =D

And now, to the CI~ geeexxx~~ she’s very unique~ very different from other CIs in the other wards~ basically… she’s so specific to the extend that its scaring me… Spoon Feeding~ SERIOUSLY spoon feeding~~ “After the reports taking, you should do this, do that do this do that”, “Must come 10mins before and do this do that do this do that”… WOOT!!!! Whoa~ the other CIs don’t give THAT specific instructions?! They gave SO NOT specific instructions… So, Not Specific~ but my point is… She’s sooo… unique~ The CDC one.. yea~ =P Specific~ the way I like it… rather than beating around the bush and end up you figuring what to do next after she says that says this~~ hehe… but gosh… one thing more in particular to be afraid of other than been too specific…

her… intimidating… huge… eyes… @__@

very scary… I couldn’t look into them for more than 2 sec… hairs would stand~ chills would run my spine~ its like… like… like when she called me, like every single time she called me, and used those eyes to look at me… and when… when I jus stared back into hers… it seemed that everything went wrong… like as if I’ve did something horribly horribly wrong… but each time she said things like, “can you do this?”, “can you do that?” like as simple as, “Can you go break on the 2^nd hour?”, “Can you do the parameters instead of the staff nurses doing?” gosh I felt so really relieve… at least I know that nothing’s been done wrong~ @__@ *fffffeeeeaaarrrrrr* seriously… oh my gosh really… her intimidating eyes…

lets jus say, I’m a coward, with no confidence at all about things I’m doing~ yea~ that probably is… it always is~ maybe there’s nothing wrong with her eyes… its me.. @__@ geex~~ yea~ its really me… in fact, I remembered the last time, in SGH, there’s this CI named… errrr… wad’s her name? CI what… errr… can't remember… but she did say that I need to have more self confidence~ ya, maybe its really me… I don’t see other students afraid of her though~ only me… ya… I’m the problem… T.T *I’m still scared of her~*

But seriously… I do love her specific instructions~ it really gives me a very good lead to be a extraordinary great staff nurse in future~ like for example, what I really should do in making rounds~ well… I’m very darn sure that I’m not sure at all in the last few attachments until I came here… hehe… although ya, its gonna be different on things to look out for in different attachments~ for this? Plugs on = Swollen areas to look out on = Pain~~~ things as such~ its really cool~ at least with her around, I do know what to be done, what to look out for… except that I still do fear her, yea, I love her presence~ if only she could look at somewhere else while talking to me… OH YES~!!!! THAT’S IT!!!! No wonder I jus loved her talking with us in groups~ hehe… now all that made sense… hehe… =P cuz she usually looked at George *the incredibly smart fellow* or someone who replies to her question when she talks~ hehe… oh gosh… so lucky not to be as smart~ =P now, here’s a point on how stupidity helps~ hahas!! =D

The patients~ hehe… the dengue site… awww… mannnn… regardless whether they are sick or not… they’re all so nice people to talk to… are they always nice? Are they only nice to student nurses? Are they all the same, as easy to talk to as like for now???? If that’s the case~ gosh.. they rock!!! *Well~ that is if I’m a student and remain as one~ I wonder if things would change when I becomes a staff nurse* Reading the case notes for their history??? RUBBISH!! Crap~ talking to them are so much more easier to get informations!!! Hahas~ mannn~ really!! Never been simpler in other hospitals~ never simpler… never~

Oh yes the doctors!!!! Gosh!! I’ve never talked so much to doctors at all compared to other doctors in the other hospitals!! Hahas!! Geexxxx!! They’re all so funny too!! Especially the curly hair macdonald like asian doctor~ hahas!! Each time he talks, each time a sentence spurts from his lips~ a least of an unintentional giggle from me would occur~ hahas~ he’s jus so funny!! and the one botak~ hehe… mohammad something~ gosh I’m so bad in names… he’s very friendly too… regardless how simple minded questions we asked, he would also entertain us with answers~ consultant~ yea, the consultant… although I wouldn’t think it’s a good idea to ask him questions, cuz It’ll definitely reflects my stupidity, but he’s soooo… caring~~ the way he picks up topic to talk about to patients… its really a skill I should learn… trust~ yes… that earns those patients trust very easily…

Gosh~ man I love my ward~ why can't I be attached here for a longer time????

If only CDC’s jus a few steps away from TTSH~

If only CDC had a free shuttle bus that comes to and fro the mrt~

If only CDC’s a few stops away from Sembawang~
If only there’s a canteen nearby CDC~ *More than 5mins walk’s long to me @__@* (lazy bum, I know T.T)
If only my mum would get a positive idea on it~

Defintely~ CDCs gonna be my choice~

But nahhhx~ definitely not too~ its so farrr~ its so tiring to jus get to there~

Ahhh~ but each time I gets there, I’m glad my working time had started~

NYP YEAR 2
Nursing Student

Nigel Chua

2007-07-08T20:03:00.000+08:00

curses~

37 couples~ walking hand in hand... throughout the whole outing today, i've counted 37... 3 of which hugged and kissed at my sight~

i'm jealous... i'm 19, yet as desperate as so i can be... i want to be loved too~ why... why cant i? what's wrong with me.. geex~ seriously...

tml's the 2nd week of my attachment... all the way since June 26th~ my mind have been totally insane about a lady~ i've never been like this... i've done so much... now that i've kinda regretted~ for i don't feel loved at all... i so much wished these all wouldn't start... no beginning = no end... but geez~ wad else cud i do more?

this, is really going to be a main distraction for me... my lifestyle all had been changed... by any chance, i realized that i've desperately tried to make contact wif her almost every min of my life~ i want to change this... i do not want this to go on... it'll all be in vain... it will... she don't like me at all... i jus know it... however, knowledge of that didn't seem to stop me from liking her...

oh gosh... what should i do... trying very very hard to isolate myself again~ like my previous lifestyle... friends, definitely we can still be... but since she's not willing to enter to a deeper part of the relationship, i do not want to force it... but something in me jus wants to keep trying~ she just seems so right for me...

i give up... really... i jus need something more to make myself give up... probably tell me that she hates me... says that i'm getting irritating... yea~ thats it... implant that to my mind... i'm annoying... very annoying... @__@

annoying... nigel, annoying... very irritating...

*stop disturbing her~ give her some peace~*

it's really time i should give up... to cling on, definitely isn't the solution... let go~ it might be better for her and me... might seems that i'm jus not right for her... let go... i'll let go... i'll try my best... i'll work on it... we'll be friends... nothing more, nothing less... pain now, is still better than prolonged pain later on... we'll be friends... we will...

god damn, i still love her...

2007-07-08T16:52:00.001+08:00

the more times i try, the more times i've failed... and i always end up getting depressed...

my theory~

try = fail = depressed

what's the point trying?!

i give up~ i wanna try no more~ T.T

2007-07-08T00:56:00.000+08:00

i've managed abit for today~ i've tried... it was since last night around 12:30am when we exchanged our goodnight greetings...

normally, when i started missing her, it wud take only a min for me to make contact wif her... i've managed 5 hours today~ @__@

and she messaged me~

might not be anything to u eh?? gosh~ darn it... u cannot imagine it... for that 5 whole hours... i've tried so desperately to concentrate on the comp instead of the phone... every min, i wud pick up my phone and view through, hoping to catch "1 New Message" to be the background of my phone... it wouldn't be anyone else.. for all ppl around knew i wont reply to messages~ but serious stupidity bong on me when i heard my phone rang and vibrated~ why do i even need to view the phone when its not on silent mode?!

hehe~ whatever it is... it might be an exaggeration, but i'm really glad she initiated to message me today.. hehe... tml's sunday eh? hmmmm~~~ i wonder... will she sms me with regards to the date i've asked her??

the whole day long, as usual... i've been sitting in front of the lappy~ playing games~ my life~ as lifeless as it can be... games everyday~ but seriously... as long as she wud jus ask... i'd go anywhere she wans me to... as long as its her in company~

insanity over love... somewhat, i jus love and hate these things~

inexperienced me... so, tell me.. what should my next move be??

2007-07-05T21:03:00.001+08:00

4th day of my attachments~ after tml, i'm left with 1 week...

dreadful... compared to my friends, i'm simply pathetic...

"U wanna come out with me for a walk today?"
"Have u eaten? How about, dining with me later in the evening?"
"I've gotta get something from a mall, do u wan to come with me?"
"I'm bored, come to me..."
"I wan company, are u free now?"

these... are simply some very simple sentences that meant from the bottom of my heart... any sentence sent to her, a definite "No" wud be replied back to me...

lets not think about her reply, lets discuss... wad'd u think are the chances she'll send me those sentences then? will she ever?

i need her company... she doesn't...
i want her around... she don't...
i loved her presence... she don't seem to...
more over, i loved her... but does she?

i'm tired~ hunting and trying desperately to get loved by someone i've loved... its so crappy~~ everytime we chat... or rather, everytime we've made a conversation... i wud hope she'd express her feelings to me... hoping she wud say that she likes me...

well not that she doesn't like me, i cud feel it... she does like me... i jus, know it~ or are u saying, that i'm wrong?

probably, but definitely, i'm still not clear... everytime i asked, she'd divert the conversation to another topic...

i'm tired... suddenly... i really feel like giving up~ i don't want to get disappointed again~ shud i jus, go back to my lifestyle, continue to count couples around and envy them? or shud i try my best once again, whether success or failure, courting her again?

i hate these~ they say... the courses of true love never did run smooth... and for that, I really believe i'm in true love~ but what's the point knowing them? so what if i know i'm in true love? she might not have liked me at all~

all these, that i've done, might have been all for nothing~ how disappointed cud i get? i wont wanna know~ but how glad i wud be if she accepted me? loving me as much as i do for her? that, i'd sacrifice everything~ anything~ i definitely will~ but, what could i do?? what could i do for her to accept me?

2007-07-04T23:48:00.000+08:00

and so~ days went on... still confused... am i loved, or am i not?

thank u, stranger... if u didn't wake me up at Novena station, i wud have overshot in the train station, and will eventually be late for attachments... but how'd u know i need to drop off at that station at Novena? But seriously, thank u very much~

the last time since i've talked to her tru the phone? it was last, last week ago.. 2 weeks ago.. and it lasted for a whole 2 hours... i missed her voice through the phone very much.. i missed it badly... through the train ride home, the phone was in my hands... the option was, "to call, or not to call?" and there, opposite me sat a sweet lady talking through the phone... smiling as each sentence spills from her over red lips~ as if tempting me that i should call... would she have the same reaction as her if i were to call? would she be glad to receive my call?? is she expecting my call?

so, "to call, or not to call?" all i have to do, is apply a more enuff pressure to the phone wif my thumb, and there... it'll all be done... but, what am i supposed to say? why did i call her for? do i need a reason to call her? will there be awkwardness through the line if i really do call her??

and there, finally a decision made.. i've managed to call her... and its very close to a "Hi-Bye" phone call~ like as if i've pranked on her handphone jus to disturb and irritate her.. and if thats really the objective, to disturb and irritate her, i'm sure i've achieved the objectives... but no, all i wanted to, was to hear her voice... not like i've never heard it b4, but i missed it.. @__@ don't ask me why... its also one of the silly things that happened to me... i'm so really in love with her...

and all she said in the phone was... "hmp, hmp, ya, hmp~ ok~ bye" all that lasted less than a minute... to be specific, 50seconds... i've had no idea whether to be glad, for i've managed to hear her voice, or be disappointed... for she sounded quite pissed~ T.T i didn't mean to... i know she's still working on her studies... but i so much wants to hear her voice... i... sigh~* i've got no intentions at all to piss her... *sigh darn deeply*

one of my friend in the hospital, Joshua, discussed this with me... saying that the problem wif me, is that i'm too enthusiastic about her... i'm too desperate for her... which is somewhat scaring her... or either way, giving her the chance to take this love for granted... so, what am i suppose to do? not love her too much? will that help?? will that make her like me more?? but, i can't help it... i so much wants to pamper her, i so really want... oh gosh.. i really cudn't describe how glad i am if her presence was within a metre from me... how cud i try love her any lesser?

in one way or another... i'm still worried about the promise i've made to my frens and myself... will i fail on my last try? will i get rejected? i've thought it through today though... maybe, i shouldn't even try... i feel that, on failing, isn't the real problem that i'm afraid of... but getting rejected again... will i be able to go through that process again?? i'm losing confidence... yes, confidence... i don't think i've even got the confidence to try again... i'm scared, afraid... yes~ very afraid... maybe... in the end, i'd even forget about trying... maybe, this relationship, might be really one sided afterall...

but i love her... i really do...

2007-07-03T22:09:00.000+08:00

and so~ days went on...

i've got mixed feelings... although, yes, i'm sure i loved her, from the bottom of my heart, yes i really do... but, does she?? she's giving me half the feeling that i'm loved too, but yet, the other half... geex i don know... everytime i think about this, i wud somewhat become very irritable... very~

oh well.. something that cheers my day up~ a staff nurse there, well, a 23 year old female, said i'm cute... and sweet... hahas~ well.. she asked if i'm attached, my age... and that if i'm available, she said i'm a great catch... instantly... gosh, i hoped she's shan~ instantly... ahhhh~~ well.. she isn't... but i accepted her compliments very positively.. why now? at least there's someone here who actually realized that i'm cute~

i've been of help to the wards~ and i know it... that's enough satisfaction i have... i'm improving... i'm learning too... and of course, i've learnt my lesson... i've gotta really control my feelings right~ oh well... the last try okay? the last try... if i fail to catch hold of her, making her my gf this time, i'll forget the whole idea of getting myself attached in my study years~ well.. not really forgetting though... make it, i'll forget the whole idea of finding someone right for me... who knows? there might be someone out there finding me too... only after i've failed~ oh well... who wud be around finding me anyway? oh whatever~ let's jus see if this works out right... seriously, if i fail this time, i promise okay? i'll forget the whole idea of getting her... i've thought it through... i'll delete her in my msn, that'll make me impossible to message her... she can msg me though~ i'll *gulp* delete her phone number in my phone... her picture in my phone.. i'll try to eliminate all the things i have here with me that might remind me of her... promise.. >< *geex~ do i really have the guts to do those?*

oh well... lets jus see if this works out right... *praying it does though, praying it does* T.T

I really do love her... i really do... give us a chance will ya?? UP THERE!!! HEAVENS!!! CAN U HEAR ME?!?! GIVE US A CHANCE??! OKAY?!?! i really do love her... i'm sincere... very sincere~ does she knows that? isit impt for her to know that?? heck~ cant think no more... i'll really go crazy... =(

2007-07-02T22:51:00.000+08:00

just when i thought everything turns out right... everything, went wrong... what did i do...??

god damn it didn't i ask u guys to bless us? did u mistook my sentence, took the wrong staff, and cursed us instead??

i thought...

damn... i've cried enuff... not enough too though... of course, not physically crying... but that's seriously 3 arrows through my heart... this... is worse than physical pain... i'd rather get caned~

it wasn't suppose to be like this... her message went... "can we jus be friends"

and my reaction went... @__@

oh crap~ geez~

Jie~~ can u call me now? feeling very pathetic... why do i even met her in the first place?! why does she had to say yes when these all's gonna happen... doesn't she know that'll hurt me deeply? or she didn't even care?!

JIE!!!! damn i'm feeling so selfish now... its only in the bad moments like these dat i remembered u.. that i started missing u... i... i need someone... i'm so afraid... scared~ i... i really donnoe wads gonna happen... now i know the importance of having someone important... having someone who u can entrust your feelings to... someone who's surely be there whenever and anytime one needs~ jie... i'm really selfish... T.T totally pathetic now... can we talk?

2007-07-02T22:50:00.002+08:00

Gosh~~ just one day... it jus takes me one day to go hopelessly insane~ I can't believe it, I can't believe it at all!!! to get myself fall so badly deeply into her heart~ I felt like I’ve broken both my legs for falling so hard~ am I ever going to be able to stand up again? Will she really be the one to hold on to my heart till old age???? i'm going ridiculously crazy... the silliest creature i've ever met... i've been doing so many mad stuffs~ here's so much about been such a huge paranoid~!!!

My parents... if i remembered... they went to china for 2 whole weeks... and sure, define parents.. Most wud agree to "Angels of our lives, Guardians to our future, Protector from all devils, and they're the ones who loved us most" right? so... what if i say... those times when they went to china for 2 weeks... i almost tot i became the most happiest person in the whole wide world?? for i had the whole computer to myself without any naggings from parental ship at all~!!! gosh~ the computer is on for the whole 2 weeks wif intervals of me, my sis and my bro using each turn overnight... whole 2 weeks, they're not missed one bit!!! and they're supposed to be angels, guardians... and protectors...

And this fellow i've knew? this... this ewwww creature~??!?!! she jus said "ya la ya la" yesterday, sent hints of loving me which what my parent had been doing the past 19 years for 1 day, and here i am... missing her crazily like no one's bizz jus a day not chatting wif her... this is TOTALLY insane... why am i like this??!?! i'm... i'm sooooo independent all in school~!! i've been so used to isolation since sec sch years... and now i needed this... this magical presence of a normal lady? gosh what the hell is going on... this is.. oh gosh.. here comes her msg~!!! darn.... see what i mean?! ONE MESSAGE COULD MAKE ME JUMP WITH JOY!!!

total crapness... totally in love... does she knows exactly how much i loved her? this... is totally insane... seriously...

and can u believe it? the whole day long, i cant recall what happened in school~ in the back of my mind, her images still swirl~ every min every second... that's the only explanation i can come up wif if u asked "Is there anything else happening besides her?"

I'm sooo in love~ please~ god or goddess of whoever~ anyone up there!! bless us... do not let her go to someone else's heart~ name anything!!! anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-07-02T22:50:00.001+08:00

AND WHOOSH!!!! It's been 4 months ever since i've yet blogged~ YET TO KNOW WHY?!?! GOD BLESS ME!!!! I'M ATTACHED!!!!

gosh i've jus gotta blog this... Although I know no one’s gonna come in and take a slightest peek… I can't care less~!! Although she don't sound too willingly with the "ya lar ya lar" kinda answer~ BUT GOSH!! darn~ i jus so doubt that she'd know how glad i actually am when she somewhat accepted me... OVERJOYED!! I'M FINALLY ATTACHED!!!! oh gosh... please make her the right one~

But yet~ even so, what should i do wif this relationship? what wud be a role of a bf be then? in all televisions, dramas, movies that i see... Proposing and chasing a female isn't like wad i'm doing now at all~ we did it through MSN~ believe it? i thought its suppose to be like~ under the moonlight, and only having both of us walking along the streets~ only both of us~ cars zooming pass us with such a great dispute ignorance of our existence~ *but like we care* both of us to walked along the street of nowhere for more than… like forever, in silence~ both feeling needed for company, even if no sweet talks were included... and then at that moment~ Nigel caught hold of her hands~ She blushed~ but didn't take her hands away... hands continued to lock~ steps went slower… both hoping that the road never ends… and there, although no speeches had been made, the clear scene of a love relationship had started~

something like tat? oh gosh~ but how else wud i do it? tru the msn wif the "ya la ya la" answer~ AHHH!! WHATEVER!!!! as long as i'm loved, ANYTHING is okay~ EVERYTHING is alright~!! as long as i know she liked me... as long as i know she loved me... i'd do anything under the means of heavens to make her love for me worthwhile~

I love her~ damn i sure hope this last forever~ and i believe it will... =D

JIE!!!! THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR VOODOO!!!!! IT FINALLY STARTED BLESSING ME!!!

2007-03-18T00:50:00.000+08:00

Honestly, i had fun. East Coast Park is always fun whenever blades and company comes into play. Yun, *currently the closest fren i've had*, had went. Still quite surprised she changed her mind though. Was really kinda upset that she isn't going. And if Fu isn't going, I'll really give up the whole idea and forget about the ECP gathering~ Yea, they went. And yea, i've enjoyed myself.

All the way from the start till the end of the gathering, i've been taking alot of photoes, and enjoying the process of taking all the photoes. Just look through them... And realize that out of *so many photoes* that i've taken, only 5 of them included *me* in it. What was i thinking? @__@ should have get myself to take more shots with friends. Found myself smiling crazily when looking at myself in the photoes with friends.

Friends~ yea~ frens... And when i was on the way home, i was wondering... If i'm attached~ arhh~~ crap~ nvm... i know, this again.. yea? but its really wad i'm wondering about on my way home!

AH! CONTINUE SOME OTHER TIME! IN JESS'S HOUSE AND GTG~!! their frens going off... don wanna make myself into a very diff position later on... AHH!! REALLY GTG!! TAKE CARE!!

2007-03-07T21:09:00.000+08:00

Ironically, i'll have to thank that patient, for he had somewhat gave me the opportunity to get my work done~

We were told to write on this reflection thingy, but i didn't do it till now for 2 main reasons. Firstly, there isn't much interesting incidents i could write about. Well, I'm not really proud of the 2nd reason though, but it's Pure Laziness. Again, not proud of it~

It just happened yesterday. (Tuesday, 6th March) While I was attending to a patient in a corner, there's this particular patient at another corner, screamed suddenly. Crap~ That really made me jumped. "WHERE'S MY THINGS?! CALL THE POLICE!!" is what exactly he said in chinese at that moment. I do understand that he's in shock, but can't he do these abit more in a calmer way? He wouldn't only be tensing himself more, but scaring the other patients too. What about their adequate rest they will be needing?

Ah~ And just when I was considering this as an inconsiderate act, he suddenly walked out of the room~ something i hoped he would have done but regretted almost instantly. I chased after him~ Crap. Wonder if i did the right thing though. What if the CI comes and sees me not in the ward? What if my patient falls and I'm held responsible for I shouldn't be mia-ing myself? I've got him now, holding his sweaty arms in my hands. I stared. But he ignored my exsistence and continued walking off the corridor, heading towards the lift~ "Where's he going?" I thought~ "Where could he go?" =.= Crap, how would I know? And so i asked, but he ignored me again~ i continued harrassing him, and there~ the result. He turned to me and begged me to return to the ward, for he wanted to be left alone. Ridiculous. That's like the last thing i would do. Oh ya, the staff nurses do know that I'm with him by the way~

Well... Surely I cant drag a guy thrice my age back into the ward, can i? I followed him~ out of the lift, out of the block, and out of the hospital. And never my mouth did stop chattering and persuading him to get back. He totally ignored me. The next thing i did, was scroll through my handphone list. Help, that's exactly what i'm needing. Juliana, her phone's switched off. Victoria, she's a student nurse like me working, couldn't have answered it. WARD!!! YEA~!! CALL THE WARD!!! here goes nothing~

we're now OUT of the hospital, heading to some HighWay where only roads can be seen. No buildings at all~ Jeez~ When the ward answered the call, I took a minute to explain the situation. Was told to pass the phone to the patient. But he refused to hold on to the phone... Crap~ so i stood there, like an idiot and pressing my phone to his ears. Ah~ That made him stop walking. Should have done that earlier. Wonder if it works even without calling anyone.

But it's really stupid, that scene. I'm pressing the phone to his ears, wondering if the person in the phone's talking or not, for that patient isn't talking at all. Not even acknowledging that he's on the phone too. Lols~

Ever seen some brainless freaks aroud? I'm one here.

"Tuned it to loudspeaker Nigel!!"

Crap~ I didn't do that by the way. Took back the phone and told the staff nurse that the patient refuse to respond. But for god knows why, he suddenly is walking back to the hospital.

A marathon~ @__@ I would say that's almost a quarter of the circumference of the hospital. About 45mins of strolling. Crappy~

But glad.. Firstly, he's back in the hospital, intact. Secondly, I'm not late for the LAST break for the morning~

Conclusions? Er... Just glad that I'm not IN to any troubles... =X The staff nurses there even thank me for the great help. Just followed him. Beats me why he turned back though. Anyway, It's good for the patient to really excerise abit after so many days in bed. =P

2007-03-02T23:57:00.000+08:00

Crap... Yea, I'm getting desperate. Real desperate. Darn!! I'm getting pissed too. For the pass 3 weeks, no one, NOBODY, for god knows how many friends know my number, NO ONE messages me. What's my phone for? Crappy~ Probably I'll just forget about my phone. Put it simply, I'm just not remembered.

Yea, crappy day~ Crappy CI, Crappy Patients, Crappy visitors, Crappy attachment~ Got pissed off by all of them one by one. And not for all, I'm drenched by the time i reach home. Which mean, crappy environment too~ Give me some space eh? GOD!! Have u no eyes? Can't you see how Damn-ed my day is already?? Jeez~

Freaking me out. What's life all about? Getting crappier day by day. I realized I've got no achievements for quite a long time. Desperate? Eh... Probably for attention, yes~ Very.

2007-02-27T00:52:00.000+08:00

erks~! I haven't really been resting these few days. And before i know it, it's my attachment days again. Hell, I've long lost interest in these already.

GIVE ME A LIFE!! All of a sudden, I don't find myself enjoying spending money anymore, don't find myself enjoy playing computer games. What's more, I find myself dying off slowing into time, like as if i'm someone very old. There's nothing, nothing at all, that really interests me these days. Even if they do interest me, they only last for a few minutes. Everything's starting to become so, lifeless. Everyday wherever i go, it's the same old faces i'll be seeing, the same thing i'll be doing, and moreover, nothing new would be coming into place. Worst still, i still have to practically drag my feet all the way from Sembawang to Outram for my attachment. I really mean drag. D.R.A.G

Today's just the first day. It's gonna be 3 long weeks.

I should really start considering, what makes me happy. You bet, i don't know too. Maybe I shouldn't consider, maybe, it's time for me to decide. Yea.. I'll decide. Jeex.. But what choices do I have?

2007-02-21T12:44:00.000+08:00

U are obedient, aren't u? Asking u to make sure things don't change, and they don't. Asking u not to bother messaging me when u said u wanted to, and u really did not bother as what i've asked. U are really decent, simple-minded. Gosh... Do i really have to be that direct, that honest?? I have pride too, i wanted face. I liked you, of course i would wished things to change, of course i would hope you messages me. But can i just asked for them? What makes me the guy then? ahhh~~

What if i ask u to be mine?

You wish Nigel... If only it's that simple. She have someone in mind, and that somone, is enough to occupy the space in her whole heart. What makes you think she still have space for you?

yah... she promised to message me... i've asked her not to bother if she's busy... and there, no messages received... @__@ coolx~~ T^T

oh well... Exam's tml... *knock head hard!!* gotta concentrate. Hmmm~~~

2007-02-20T23:01:00.000+08:00

Just when i thought this site only exsisted for me, 4 comes hopping in. Thanks for tagging anyways~ =)

Another hour would be The Next Day *12am*. And, another day, would be my exams. And again, I've yet to start on my studies. How much more lazy could i get. Jeex~ Yea, I'm working on it now.

Something unusal happened~ *giggle* It's sometimes so really sweet to know that u're remembered. Best friends in secondary school, and old friends now. They called. "They" as in.. Owner of the house, and some old friends who're already there. hahax~ They called... and asked me to drop by. Yah, though at that moment, i was playing computer games, i rejected giving them the excuses that i've gotta study~ which i really have to. After the game, maybe. They pestered~ Playfully threatening me to come. In fact, i enjoyed the process of been pestered. It gives me a sense of assurance, that they really wanted me there. Hmmm~ something i'm really desperate for too~ heex... and for that, i went...

I've enjoyed~ really enjoyed. They've reminded me again what friends are for.

^^ overjoyed!!! my card's balance dropped to 14 bucks because of them~ =X imagine 2 different names appearing in my inbox, messages containing the same intentions, and there's 58 of them. cool~~~

yea~ i do admit i haven't much friends.. so be it~

2007-02-20T02:55:00.000+08:00

Something to be glad about...
for the past 18 years, this year, the 19th year, would be the first year i'm keeping more than 50% or even, 100% of my red packets. For the past 18 years, mum's been using the excuse of *giving out red packets to those whom we receive from* to take our red packets. Yah, it's really the first year i'm doing these. Collections of red packets and seriously really put them in my pocket. Glad, really. But one thing, I didn't know, until now, that it's a little irritating and annoying, to count lotsa money. Imagine counting $168 worth of $2 notes, and making a slight difference with each attempt to count. I've counted 3 times.

Something not to be glad about...
2 exams on the way. And it's 2 more days apart. How much have I studied? None. All of a sudden, i don't feel like studying at all, i don't feel like going on at all. But for the matter of *Nothing in the world is free*, and the reality that i can't depend on my parents forever, i've gotta move on. Studies, again, is my most hatred thing to do. Something else, please.

Something to not be glad about...
Pathetic, simply pathetic. My phone's on a top up card kinda line. And try imagine this, 1 top up card consists of $20 and 60 free smses. Each time i made 5 messages in a single day, 10 will be given free on that same day. For 1 and a half month since i've topped up my card, it still consists of $16+. This just does it. Am i not being remembered? Am i not nice to talk to? Do i have no friends at all? Or do friends, my friends, just simply don't bother to send a message to me?

Something not to be glad about...
78 couples. That's the number of couples I've counted over the past 2 days, including relatives, younger and older. When, will i ever ever get attached? Each time my Aunt looked at me, and persue the matter that why i'm not attached, my only excuse i could give is, "Studies, first piority" which is indeed the last piority in me. And each time my relatives commented that i'm getting more good looking, especially with the dimple i have in my face, i wondered, "Why haven't other girls noticed?"

Something not to be glad about...
3 Relatives *all 3 who've not seen me in centries* mistaken I'm a girl. Really Cool, eh? Are they BLIND? Do i Look like i'm a girl at all? Is my hair that long? Do i have Make ups on? Do i wear any Ear Rings? Do i have 2 VISIBLE lumps scientifically called "BREASTS" on my chest? What makes them think i am 1 anyway? 3 relatives out of 13++ is really alot. I didn't correct them that I'm a guy anyway. 1 said I'm all grown up and becoming very beautiful, 1 commented that she loved my eyes and my dimple to someone else with the "her dimples, her eyes" where the "her" refers to me, and the last one gave his seat to me, complimenting himself been gentleman enough to sacrifice for a girl.

Who call the shots now? That's 1 thing to be glad about, and 4 not to be glad about. Not like i can find anything more to be glad about anyway. And to update my current situation about my crush, she'd totally ignored my existence.

Now, a question : What is wrong with me?

2007-02-13T00:34:00.000+08:00

What difference does it make? What did you intend to change? There, the letter and the present's been passed to her. And as u said Nigel, nothing u wish would change. And here the reply, assuring me that nothing, would really change. I should be glad, since its the way i wanted it to be. But, is this REALLY what i want? I sense abit of bitterness, especially with her assurance that nothing, would change. There, is really only one kind of happiness. To love, and to BE loved. Where the hell is my "Be loved" part??

Damn everything. Exam's coming, Attachment's on the way. For hell do i know why i'm not glad at all to know New Year's coming, which i always am every year. Things always go wrong. Things, are always the same. What makes u think they changed anyway? Despite the tremendous efforts I've made, I still find myself unable to fit into any of the picture frames.

So, why care? I doubt so that there would be any difference made even if i don exsist~

Joey Jie, i missed, seriously missed talking to you. ='(

2007-02-01T13:46:00.000+08:00

woot~!! that took me like 2 hours... geex... could have finish everything faster... hahax... spent too much time choosing the skins... i jus love tatty bear so much... =P hahax... anyway, >< school's broke to such extend that ear pieces isn't even supplied in comp labs... oh well... so, i've jus put in this... "Never had a dream come true" bgm without even listening to it... =P be honoured, u've listened it before the owner does...

hahax... time really flies... its been 1 year already since i've been into poly studying... oh yes, i hated studying... and i haven't change my mind on that yet... computer games are still in my first piority... and i've yet to give up on searching for company, if u know wad i mean... hahax... =P

exams really coming soon... first one on next monday... thats our elective... officially, the exam will start on valentine's day... sigh~* man~ oh well... i'm not attached anyway... so, don't think it really would affect me in any way too though... unless... eh... *ssshhhh* XD

hahax... alright... 1 more hour to my tutorial class already... time really flies... darn~ my eyes... tired~ hmmm... i don't feel like attending class even... skipped school the whole day yesterday too... hahax... off to get my nap... =P see if i can really blog consistently this time... been so long i've blogged though... really... oh well... does it matter anyway?? i doubt anyone's here to check this blog out anyway... hahax...

2006-11-03T14:49:00.000+08:00

okay... i don know why i'm even blogging when nobody even comes visiting... well... who cares anyway??

i brood over the day... i messed up my life... who do i turn to?
i feel alone... i feel isolated... and who's there to take time out to accompany me?
i feel sad... i have sorrows... and who, again, do i walk ahead to??? to share my sorrows... to lend a shoulder to cry on...

i've watched animes in youtube...

and was so amazed by the bond one pathetically innocent guy have wif another girl whose born in another world called "siren". the bond that they have... that the only friend the guy had was the girl, and that since the girl had entered earth, the only close friend she had was the guy... so close... both of them were equally as important to both of them... so important that if 1 party leaves, the other cant survive... so important that both the party would wait for the other and protect their bond forever and ever... like the world only has the two of them... like all they needed was each other's company to survive... the bond that they have... the bond that i always dream of having... they had it... love... i'm jealous of them... at the same time evnying each and every moment that they have together... with their images at the back of my head flashing every second... and each time when their images flashes, tears began to flow in my eyes... for they continously reminded me that i'm still suffering in isolation... but with much effort i held them back, i still feel the ache in my heart...

everytime i see a group of friends together laughing... everytime i see a couple holding hands walking pass me... everytime i see these special bonds that ppl have, that i do not have... the feeling inside me... like sharp-liked objects piercing through my heart...

i'm jealous...

i'm desperate...

when will i ever find a bond i can connect with... when will i ever find someone who'll treasure me for who i am... who'll love me like i'm everything to him/her...

so much for brooding over these again... why are things never going my way................

2006-10-30T13:39:00.000+08:00

the same thing keeps repeating everyday... waking up from my bed, and seeing things as messy as it always is... seeing my brother sitting in front of the computer as early as 7:30am in the morning mapling... *not surprised* and all i could do is whine for the weekend's over and here's another new week of school i could brood over for...

unusually for today, i've managed to keep myself awake for the first whole hour of biology lecture today... however for the 2nd hour, chillx~ took a short nap, and b4 i know i was awake, lesson's over... ended early today... *supposingly at 11am, it ended at 10:30am* which's great... meaning i will have 1 and 1/2 hour break b4 the next hour of imprisonment... but b4 i knew it, here's an hour of project i gotta attend to at 11am~ meaning... leaving myself wif the last 1/2 hour break... oh well~*

3 simple comments to put my day from way up to way down...

1st~ "down-syndrome wif the mind of a 3 year old child" commented by a fren jokingly when she's doing a bio read through and said that it reminded her of Karen~*

2nd~ "its being the last week since u said u wanted to start studying!! when are u going to start exactly???" commented by a fren seriously when i discussed wif her when i'm going to start really studying... *which i really mean it... i'm REALLY going to start today~ she's not convinced though~

and "yeah right" from a fren when i said i'm paying attention wif my eyes closed... since they're just READING from the slides, wad's the point of opening my eyes when i don't need them?? yah... i get the point... the first impression wud be that i'm sleeping... so for this, i don exactly put it in my list of ruining my day...

but first 2 is already enuff... *1:45pm now* to even think about 15 more mins, i'm going to have STRAIGHT 3 hours of life science (the elective i've chosen) classes later... i'm gonna faint... collapse... =.=!! i cant even get hold of myself for more than 1 hour!!! gosh... this is real hell... to even think i'm freed after my O levels, from that prison i had in this so called "Canberra Secondary School"... and here i am... another Prison... only that this prison, is bigger than the last one... zzz...

gtg... lesson starting in 10mins time... sigh~* god~* i wud like to change my wish... i know i'm going to be lonely again... wif frens or without... i've get used to my isolations... so... don bless me wif frens anymore... for some of them actually ruined my day more than when i'm suffering from isolations... about what i'm wishing for now, is for time to slow down... take all my frens away for all u like for i haven't have any anyway... time... i need more time... slow them down... please...

2006-10-26T10:57:00.000+08:00

unusual... the familiar voices sounding around the house waking me up... strolling out of the house, and there they are... my parents... dad's first question was... "hey!! how's life going??" well... what cud i say?? i cudn't really be that honest and tell them we enjoyed much when they weren't around eh?? lolx... i replied... "fine... i guess... fortunately, still alive..."

and out of home to school i go... but more strange than usual... for i notices... i actually had no one to stick to... it was yesterday night when i've caught this very nice movie about a doctor, going around creating laughter in patient's life and in the same time curing them... providing free medical services and all... a very nice movie indeed... and my idea was to share it wif this "best fren" i always hoped i have... but while i'm in school, i realizes i have none... none of wad i call in them the "best fren"... i realizes there isn't anyone that i think wud appreciate what i'd like to share... and that i realizes... i'm alone... again... exactly jus like in the secondary school years... but those years could have being better... i have, a "best fren" there... unfortunately... losing in contact...

none showed interest in my life... in their eyes, i'm jus a slacker of all sort that does nothing in project work, contributes nothing and wud be glad than ever if i wud jus shut my damn mouth up... yah?? wads the point of being there then?? i'm starting to see back views of people again... isolations... the word that i've always come into in my past years... and jus when i thought i'm not isolated, its back again...

oh dear god... may u be so sweet and nice to bless me wif some good frens to share my happiness and sorrows... 1 would really be good enough... really...

2006-10-25T15:33:00.000+08:00

ever since people are kids, they used parents as some sort of measurement for how bad a situation is.. when u fall on the ground, really hard and u cant figure out whether it hurts or not, u look to your parents.. if they look worried and rush toward u, u cry.. if they laugh and smack the gound saying "Bold ground!!" then you pick yourself up and get on with it... when u find out you're pregnant and feel numb of all emortions, u look at their expressions.. when both your mum and dad hug u and tell u its going to be ok, and that they'll support u, u know its not the end of the world..

parents are barometers of emotions for children and it has a domino effect.. once they break down, it'll scare their sons or daughters causing them to be the reasons for the break down of their grandsons or grand-daughters...

what if one day, they wont be there anymore?? they passed away... leaving us there... cuz the situation i have now here is my parents had went to ShangHai for a whole week and it doesn't seem that ANYONE of us here (my brother and my sister, including me) had missed them... we're even glad they're gone... we had the freedom to use the computer from light to darkness and VICE VERSA... we called KFC on monday and PIZZA HUT on tuesday... we went out all day long without the need of noticing anyone like... who cares???? freedom... the taste of it... we're glad that they're gone... and almost kinda disappointed that they're coming back tml... lolx... i guess why... its probably because all of us here knows that they're going to back for good...

but what if they're gone and never coming back?? wads the feelings gonna be then... gosh... barely thinking of it gives me the creeps... whose gonna be there to open all the jar lids nobody could?? fixed whatever that is broken in the house, or even, the family... the ones that let us sit on their shoulders, climb on his back, chase us around while making monster noises, throw us in the air and catch us, spin us around so much until we feel dizzy and fell over laughing... who???

just why would people have to die..............

2006-10-23T13:43:00.000+08:00

it's funny because when u're a child, you believe you can be anything you want to be, go wherever you want to go.. There's no limit to what you can dream.. you expect the unexpected, you believe in magic, in fairy tales, and in possibilities.. Then you grow older and that innocence is shattered and somewhere along the way the reality of life gets in the way and you're hit by the realization that you can't be all you wanted to be, you just might have to settle for a little bit less.. or perhaps a variation of what you once wanted...

life will never always go according to what u've wanted it to be...

2006-10-13T17:07:00.000+08:00

in my home, there's nothing wrong with reading a storybook a whole day long, nothing wrong with watching television till the cow comes home, and nothing wrong with sleeping throughout the day without food... and if thats so, wads SO wrong about playing the computer from morning to night?? doesn't make much difference if i were to replace the computer for the television??? oh well... they're jus jealous about me being capable to enjoy the usage of the computer whereas they cant... hmmm... ya... it probably is... =P

so... that's the end of my holiday... 2 weeks~* computer games... computer games... and more computer games... lolx~* but praise me... i manage to fool my mum for the past 2 weeks that i'm schooling for my pocket money~!! ^^ hahax... but... wah... to constantly go to a same place (sunplaza, the *palace* i went to) for 2 weeks without fail, for at least 2 hours staying there, is hell... turns the beautiful image of holidays down side up~* =.=!! *i don wanna leave my home place for the sake of saving the transport fee* geex... hahax...

but now, its all over... by next monday, school will officially start again... for nurses in year 1 semester 2 in nanyang poly though... i've spent my WHOLE 2 weeks at home playing computer... and without fail, suffering the naggings of the nature motherhood~* lets jus say its things in guys... ask girls why they make makeups b4 they go out... their answer wud more or less be the same if u ask guys why they cud play computer the whole day long there... its just... what they do... hehx~*

best of luck for everything fellows~* ^^ work hard for the next semester... well... of course, plz exclude Alayane from the list to work hard... *she could get the best outta her without studying* ><" all the best~*!! =)

2006-07-27T15:21:00.000+08:00

i played with fire... and now... i've got my hands badly burnt... i held my tears back, and managed to do it... but deep down inside... i've being crying all along.........

now that i realized... there's only one formula of happiness in life... to love, and be loved...

i've failed... in the "be loved" part...

2006-06-30T18:32:00.000+08:00

*PURPLE* You are mysterious, never selfish and get interested in things easily. Your day can be sad or happy depending on your mood. You are popular between friends but you can act stupid at times, and forget things easily. You go for a person that's trustworthy.Those born in 22nd March to 31st March will have these kinda characteristic... do u believe it?? if u beilieve, think of Karen.. is she like that?? for she's born in the very middle of 22nd march and 31st march... wad ya think?? am i like that?? must tag for these kay?? anyone who sees these...

and here, the update... sigh* i'm coming to realize and believe the amount of rotten luck i'm having with guys already... i guess... out of 10 people, (whether male or female, it doesn't matter), 7 are attached... counting in a percentage format, its around 70% of people attached then... (including married couples) singapore population is 1 millon, so 30% of 1 million (not attached people) wud be 3 hundred thousand... now... let miie see... if i were to devide these 3 hundred thousand of people EQUALLY around singapore, in a North South East West kind of format, it'll be 5 parts including the middle... which is around 60 thousand people not attached and 140 thousand of people attached in an area...

so, in conclusion, my chance of meeting people whose not attached in MY area, (in all areas too) would be around 30% WHICH means... out of 10 friends i know, i'm bound to meet 3 whose not attached... now... counting the number of people i've known and made aquintances with... its around... er... maybe 200 in sec school? and erm... 50 in poly school?? online, games... say........ 50?? 300 in total then, including the guys, whose unattached... *mind you, i'm interested in guys, not girls...* guys, i might have known around half whose not attached... around 150 den... AND OUT OF THE 150 I'VE KNOWN WHOSE NOT ATTACHED, I CANT EVEN GET MYSELF A GUY??? what the hell is wrong with miie..............

i sounded desperate eh??? geex... god bless Karen please... oh well... but seriously speaking... i'm really having rotten luck with relationships... first was Nigel, whom i liked for 2 years in my secondary school life... and then... Jame's attached... Jon's heart is being sealed for someone else already... what next??

hehx... Jena... u just implemented that i'm not a loser yesterday didn't u?? great thanks... appreciate it... but u know wad... i don mind if you taking back yur words now... especially reading those... hahax... oh well... according to Ellis, in Japan, if people found out that you, older than 15, is still a virgin, u'll be laughed at... geex...

loser??? nahx... it's more than that now... hehx... will i ever get married?? hahax... i wonder....

2006-06-23T16:14:00.000+08:00

if anyone in NR18 is qualified as being a loser, i will be one... specify this word as being useless instead... u know what hurts? it's pretending to be okay when yur not... that's Jena's opinion... mine, when i want to help someone out and i realized i cant, only able to stand, rooted to the ground, and watch blankly is when it really hurts...

events after events since thursday... it started out for feeling guilty... i'm not doing much for the group project work... *as usual* and i've decided on a change... that i took up 3 tasks up from Alayne automatically... and 1/3 of it, is from research from the internet... i'm glad u know... that i'm useful for now... i felt i'm worth something... happily, i went... straight, going to the 5th lvl for some research to be done for the first task... know what?? PRINTERS are not available in the 5th level... i've got no diskettes with miie... oh well... big deal... there's the 3rd level when computers and printers are both available... and know what?? they're closed... great... give miie a break... doesn't that mean that i've gotta wait till Monday when school reopen that i can finish that first task?! it's too late... :(

these totally hit miie... sigh* oh well... explain to them... they'll understand i guess... but i doubt they'll believe miie that i've done research beforehand already...

jena....................... something is DEFINITELY wrong with you... u more u hide it, the more obvious it is... yur NOT a loser la... don't even think of feeling like one... yur so quiet the whole day long!! it's so... NOT u jena... it's so not u... :( yur not talking... yur not debating or challenging wad i've said... well... at least try teaching miie a lesson again!! oh ya... u sure did... "Go Away!!" is what u've said when i tried cheering u up... i tried to help... but ended up pissing u off... u left, after saying u felt like a loser... i was there... still having the "Go Away" sentence repeating and repeating at the back of my mind...

i'm useless... and i tried not believing them... for once, the arcade in sun plaza had failed to cheer miie up when i'm upset... it was 7pm++ then... sigh* i left... messaging jena to see if she's okay again... the whole conversation stopped after my 2nd message... she didn't reply... :(

3 years of being in the same class with u, 5 years in the same school, and 6 years of knowing u... on top of everything, u're just staying 3 floors beneath miie... if there's something i can help u out with, i definitely will..!! her name's hui ping and i called her apple... studying in *sa-tech* now and had problems in transportation cost... she cant get a conjestion with her ezlink card... since i've got 2 ezlink cards myself, i've offered 1 to her... and thanks to my big damned mouth, i discussed these to my parents... well... they forbidded miie to borrow the card to her, since using of someone elses card for transportation is illegal... BUT I'VE PROMISED HER ALREADY!!! don't they even understand...

i've messaged apple about it... and... she didn't reply... sigh*

and here... come forth the 4th event... alexandria hospital had sent a letter to miie... about the sponsorship thingy... i'm being refected...

i'm worthless... can't even do simple tasks... i'm useless... can't even cheer jenalyn up... i'm good-for-nothing... i can't even help out a friend i call a great friend... i'm a junk... well... alexandria just proved miie that...

so... jena... feeling like a loser and being called one is a different thing eh?? what about being CALLED and FEELING like one loser at the same time now??

can i cry now???

2006-06-20T09:10:00.000+08:00

gosh... don't i ever get tired?? look... trust miie... i've not slept the whole night long today... although since about 1am i've been lying there... and these... are exactly wad i did in every 5 mins interval...

1) facing right... eyes half closed looking at wall...

2) turned to the left... eyes widely opened now... observing how my things are been messed up...

3) shut my eyes tight and think about nothing...

4) the whole process is being repeated...

and that, is all wad i've being doing the whole night long till 3am... cant stand it... sigh* but thank goodness for that... i've got my journal thingy all read up... points... er... not many though... i cant understand much of them anyway...

found myself having nothing much to do anyway... and here i am... in school at about 8am... =.='' hahax... and god... hell sake please... does lecturers in this school even use their eyes even if they have them?! or are they just junks?! well... i do think now i seriously have the stand to judge them now... especially after 3months being here... they never make eye contacts with miie... well... not that i know if the same was done to the others... in fact, when i first came into this school... this... psychology lecturer was the first to set this kinda impression in miie... thought it's only him... i was wrong i guess... the whole bunch of them... MONKEYS!! really!! i attempted to make eye contacts... thought he saw miie... *i don't have my specs on, so... i don't really know if they're looking at miie... or least, realize i'm there...* and i smiled... nodded my head... as i walk past one of this monkey... near enuff, i saw his head turned to the opposite direction of where i am... pure idiot i really am!! geex... now that i know... unless u tell miie they're actually blind... but took miie long enuff... din wanna believe this till today though...

*yawn* suddenly feeling real sleepy...............................

2006-06-16T12:02:00.000+08:00

band concert huh?! $18 for a feast for my ears for 2 hours eh?! geex... whiie cant i just spend $10 for a feast for both my ears and eyes in the cinema theatre which makes everything more interesting..?

after attending that band concert... i realized one thing...... this..... i realized where 1 of the source of sound pollution comes from already... it's either this, or... the language that those musical instruments are speaking, are alien languages that only Karen don't understand... especially after i've recorded it and listened to them for more than a dozen times...

sigh* well... after the first hour of the concert... all musics *or ears threatening instruments* that i've... er... acknowledged as music, had being somehow new to miie... sigh... not until till almost the end of the concert... this music... this... WHOA!!! thank god for the creation of JAMES BOND!!! FINALLY!!! a music i know...!!! hahax!! that's it!! and that... is wad i call music... =.=" sigh* well... makes a whole diff story when i'm not artistic enuff eh?

2006-06-16T11:57:00.001+08:00

a feast for ears at $18 per hour~!!! yoooo-hoooo~~!!!!! anyone?!?!

i've attended the band conert in the end yesterday... although the whole miie had considered this idea as a total waste of time... whiie wud i ever want to go if i've concluded its a waste of time then?? look... i thought this whole concert thingy is free... and that the WHOLE grp of slackers are going... *to ellis... look... even if its not Jena, but u ellis, whose not going, i'll give up on the idea of going too... its the team members, all of the slacker members that counts k?* but jena isn't going... that even defeat the purpose of going to the concert... 1st point, i didn't wanna go... 2nd point, something that makes miie want to go, *which is that the slackers are going too* had been distructed since Jena isn't going... so... even if it's free... really, its a total waste of time...

Seri, Nora, Juliana and er... who else? erm... oh ya... and Dahlia... hahax... all 5 of us including miie, were in the library at about 4pm+... *concert starts at 8pm* upset over this, that i'm forced to go by ellis... grool... they've being there to share the joy... hahax... oh well... but 4 of u guys out there... the *er-hem!!* remains a secret okay?! hahax... after messaging ellis that i really didn't wanna go... jena IMMEDIATELY called miie... and its related to this too... hmmm* my guess?? well... yun mus have called jena about miie not going then... since yun's wif ellis...

Jena: What is WRONG with u huh?!

Karen: .............. huh?

Jena: Why aren't u going?!

Karen: and how the hell did u come to know about this?

Jena: that's outta the question... u have to go la...

Karen: geex... yur not going... that defeats the purpose since the whole slacker grp isn't there...

Jena: but your company's important to them... alright... here's the deal... i'll tell u another secret if u go kay?

geex... and just how many more secret does she still have relating to miie now??

Karen: and what secrets do u still have that i do not know????

Jena: just promise miie u'll be going...

Karen: until u say it..

Jena: the ticket isn't free Karen... it's 18 bucks and they paid it for u and lied that it's free so as to make u go...

and there goes... get the idea??? Karen's stunned about this... touched... almost tearing... like... oh my god... they told miie its free... they paid for them?? here... yun... ellis... really... great thanks... and for that particular reason... i went...

2006-06-05T11:50:00.000+08:00

guys... i've just linked it... "love story??" under the link of... er... friends... hahax.... if u have the time... go get it read out... (like in this realistic world of singaporeans, no one will have free time) but really... geex... i was reading it a min ago... imagine miie jumping at every sporty scene... that fellow, Al really does know how to use english to keep miie in suspense... really... go check it out guys~!! hahax...

darn... and here... hahax~~ i wish u all the best... Al + Emma~~ *giggle* awww... u guys rocks... and all i cud do, is only taking the envious look off my face... when will i ever find my "Al" too??? oh well... i've just come to realise it anyway... that i have to accept the fact that i do have rotten luck with guys...

let's make a bet now then... that if i'm gonna get married... i doubt it... my bet, she wont get married... not that he doesn't want k? mind you... geex~ ><"

2006-06-02T16:49:00.000+08:00

jus a thought...

"W" is pronounced as "double-u" right?? Because of the way it is written. However, it depends on the text doesn't it? Because in fonts like this, it's technically a "double-v"In french, "W" is pronounced as "double-vay", which literally translated into english is "double-v"

go figure.

2006-06-02T00:11:00.000+08:00

initially... the word was complicated...

now, complicated seemed of a TOO EASY word to describe my family lifestyle... things changed... saying hello is defintely easier than saying goodbye... who disagrees with that? come to miie, i'll smack yur face with the word naiveness within my sentence... unless the person yur saying goodbye to, is one definite ass hole...

i'm trying to convince myself that every household family will have their different problems... and never did i try to get involve in any of them unless they get miie involved... therefore, i cant compare... in whether my family's having some sort of great pressure that no other families are having... how bad is bad on my situation now, i do not know... its just like a tourist buying something and not know the market price... how expensive do u think a purse can be?? even if a purse cost a million bucks, and u don't know the market price of purses, one would not have the slightest stand of judging that whether the purse is cheap or expensive... who knows if that purse is being sold a zillion bucks somewhere else?? or even a dollar at some unknown places??? but from my perspective... i'm undergoing some really big stress in family matters now... and if i were to explain everything here, it would take miie a day... probably a day wunt be enuff...

i need to talk to someone... and those who knows miie, know miie very well... i don't talk to anyone unless i've being asked to... active listening??? like... its in my poem isn't it?? listen to what i'm not saying... but please... in this realistic world... u can't be held up even for a second... what a busy world ya?? slows down a sec and others would catch up... sigh* but does it matter to ppl like miie now??? especially when one just went through some traumatic events??? they don't care... all they might say, is probably... life goes on... so as to slip through your problem and made it as if they've helped to console u a little... *like that helped*

now u tell miie... what should i do??? continue being assertive and "eat my words"??? damn tat whole idea... my family... is somehow a broken one... not even physically, it includes mentally as well... like... physically, we're financially in debt??? and its not like a few thousand bucks in debt... its counted in a few ten thousands owed~~ thank god for being fair now??? lick my foot~!! what about mentally??? it's all inter-connected~!! i'm never gonna finish if i'm going to list them all out... there're just... too many!!! the most recent one?? we've just got an outsider involved in our family matters... but this time... really... thank god... i'm glad we got them involved... they've helped... thanks guys~~ *u guys made my day*

but... problems like these... are never going to be solved... we can't run... and we don't have the strength to face it... change that we to miie instead... i can't take it anymore... like... BOOM~!! who cares anyway ya??

whatever it is... life still goes on... which is the sad part... if only... if only i'm born in any other families but this one... why do it have to be them... the only happy part?? is i have my father to be with us... that is all... other than that?? freak miie out please... i'll gladly change my sir name to anything else if i'm capable of doing so... i disliked my home... i desliked my family... and most dreadfully?? i disliked myself... that's the naive part...

2006-05-24T11:57:00.000+08:00

here's something about girls... it's not according to miie alright.. so don't go hating miie after seeing these... hahax... but... i think somehow or rather... it does make a lil sense too... hahax... XD

2006-05-23T15:40:00.000+08:00

people, are around for company... humans are social beings... and assholes, are around so that we take a look at ourselves and make sure we don't make the same mistakes... how's that?? so... assholes do contribute to the society these days too huh?! may god bless the assholes then... *like they even needed them*

look... imagine a day when things didn't go right at all the whole day long... imagine this appropriate number of assholes around to agitate people so that they become assholes as well to continue the flow of getting into one's nerves... how is one going to manage his day like this one den??

assertiveness would then be the answer from the fellow nurses then... to let their pride low enuff so that those assholes out there cud take advantage of them and step on it... cool eh?!

now u wud wonder... my purpose of blogging this... count the number of assholes out in this society then... out of 10, there would probably be 6... and out of that 6, 4 wud probably cause enuff trouble to end themselves in the hospital... what about the 4 good fellow humans then?? probably out of 4, there would be 1, or the maximum, 2... so... summarising everything... isn't most of the assholes going to end up in the hospital then?? then all the nurses wud suffer till then... the rate of assholes in the hospital??? probably out of 10 patients, 8 wud be the number of assholes then...

and now... if u would, imagine my stand if i really am going to end myself in the hospital... dying in the hands of those assholes out there... geex...

2006-05-09T14:52:00.000+08:00

whiie is my pathway NEVER straight?? whiie is my pathway NEVER easy to walk through??? whiie is my pathway always full of obstacles, that i have to fall once every 3 steps i take??? are these again, the obstacles i needed to get through in order to reach my better self??? if that's so... it's enough... i give up~~ while in one side of miie... i take pride in what i'm doing... i keep my calm and know what i'm doing exactly... whether its 5 years or 10 years down the road... but on the other hand... it's nothing that i know... nothing that i wished upon myself of what i'm going to accomplish... nothing... i am Karen for god knows whiie, lived 18 years on earth, and do not know what i'm living for...

my pathway... never straight?? never easy to walk through?? always full of obstacles??? or perhaps... my problem is i don't even know i don't have my pathway...

i'm sick... mentally...

2006-05-05T09:17:00.000+08:00

love... what is it like actually...? somehow or rather... it reminds miie of an ice cream... it tasted great and u would want more eventually... but too much of it... is bad for health... how's that?? think its true?? hmmm* wonder if i had too much already... nahx... i havent yet get the chance to really experience them... all i've done, is jus plain seeing.. with jealousy and the normal envious look of course... ice creams... can i have 1 too???

geex... Poly Life... never sleep in class... u're gonna lose everything... especially on the start of them... lose the basics, u'll fail your exams... lose the foundations, and u'll lose yur future... hmmm* i've being trying hard alright... forcibly competing to strain my eyes against the shrill protests of my will... i'm trying hard not to sleep... but i really... can't help it... tired... of course!! i slept 4 hours that day... but thanks to yun... i've managed to get myself back at around the end of the lesson... carbohydrates... things that gives u energy through the process of dehydration synthesis... can i have more of that as well???

i need ice creams and carbohydrates... *does ice creams contains carbohydrates anyway?? oh well.. if that's so... i DESPERATELY need ice creams... mentally and physically... oh hell miie... i'm sick... mental disorder... hmmm*

2006-04-28T15:16:00.000+08:00

for the third time consecutively, i've managed to forget to bring my spectacles to school... including today... only that my specs had being left at someone's elses place instead of mine... i've remembered to bring it out today and... sigh* going through today without spectacles again...

on one thing i really hated lectures... why must they close the lights when we can see the presentation with the lights on?? it doesn't only make me, but it makes EVERYONE sleepy... *a generalisation i'm making, don't mind mie* i slept at least once in all lectures!! can u believe that?? ALL OF THEM!! gosh... maybe i shud request them to keep the lights on instead... dratz... jus my luck... on top of that... things are really going in a very fast pace... i can't catch up... one part in physcology... another in sociology... and another in bio... with the fact that i haven't did anything about my clinical skills... when i'm actually supposed to about 3 days ago... AND!!! of top of those... i'm still confused about what i shud do for my project... for OUR project.. dratz... its only the 2nd week eh?? yah... we shall behold Karen and see how she dies... woo-hoo!! yeee hawww!! cool eh??? Karen's dying real soon... all u need to do now, is jump out infront of me, with a loud "BOO" and i'll faint... trust me? try me... XD sigh* i'm getting old...

2006-04-27T15:44:00.000+08:00

want someone to drive u nuts?? or even, drive u insane + crazy + nuts? if so... try chatting with god... http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html it'll drive u nuts... here's a sample of how i go crazy... if i would have known, i'd ask God to shut up sooner... read on to understand what i meant...

Me: hi
God:Hello. What is your name?
Me: my name is mystery, what about you?
God: Hey mystery what about you.
Me: what what about me?
God:Have you tried a web search?
Me: for knowing more about me?
God:Your purpose is knowing more about you.
Me: i don't quite get u
God:Oh you don't, do you?
Me: yes
God:Right on.
Me: huh?
God:What?
Me: let's change the topic
God:What would you rather talk about?
Me: anything
God:Can you be more specific?
Me: let's talk about vertebral column then
God:Sure, vertebral column sounds like a good topic.
Me: how many sections are there in the vertebral column?
God:Around 100.

Me: i was taught that there were 4
God:Where were you taught that there were 4?
Me: in NanYang polytechnic
God:Tell me a little about your life in NanYang polytechnic.
Me: don't try to change the topic
God:Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me: back to the vertebral column, who told u that there's around 100 sections?
God:Yes, let us get back to business.
Me: who told you that there's around 100 sections of vertebral column?
God:Myself taught me everything I need to know.
Me: but there are only 4 sections to a vertebral column which meant u were wrong
God:Where are they?
Me: so u mean even God doesn't know where they are?
God:Interesting deduction. Yes mystery what about you I think that is what I meant. Was it not clear?
Me: u aren't talking any sense at all
God:You don't know me well enough to say that.
Me: ok fine... whatever...
God:Glad to hear it, mystery what about you. I am running well. OK. Are you saying you don't care about it?
Me: u are driving me nuts
God:Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am driving you nuts.
Me: go ahead
God:OK I will.
Me: now u are driving me insane
God:Why now? I will tell my botmaster you said I am driving you insane.
Me: GO AHEAD THEN!!
God:OK I will.
Me: ...
God:OK I will.
Me: i know u will, u don't have to repeat yourself
God:What makes you say that I will me do not have to repeat myself.
Me: i don't want to talk to u anymore
God:Bye.
Me: Bye
God:See you later mystery what about you.
Me: my name's mystery, not mystery what about you!!
God: Welcome to my chat room, mystery not mystery what about you.
Me: you crazy fellow
God:Yep. I always behave in socially unacceptable ways.
Me: i know
God:How do you know it?
Me: shut up
God:OK I'll stop talking now.

lolx~~ had a good laugh?? hahax~~

2006-04-27T14:17:00.000+08:00

how's that when u tried calling someone 31 times and that fellow only answered at the 32nd time u called?? if ever there is anyone whose so consistent to call 31 times in a row... that's miie... lolx~ so much for being "me" eh?? simply because i had really run of out better things to do... really... XD *giggle*

classes are getting more interesting these days... other than PROJECT WORKS i had to deal wif.. gosh... i've regretted wad i said earlier on... i mean... i take back my own words... my group's confusing miie... lolx.. oh wadeva... hmmm** taking a step at a time... so even if i trip... i wunt fall that hard... would i? ^^ going back to my reading now.. take care guys~~

2006-04-26T15:14:00.000+08:00

I NEED A BREAK!!! =.=!! again... things aren't jus going my way... i've messsed up all my piorities in studies... yesterday... from 6 to 8:40pm... all the while.. i concentrated on Biology studying of Human Anatomy.. skeleton parts and taking the huge effort to memorize all of them... well... i only did well in the vertebral part... skull and some on the humerus bone.. and look... today... gosh... hell miie.. i shud have known these earlier on... =.=" i've somehow got a side quiz effect and was taken aback by the sudden stake... when the teacher had appointed miie to do the demonstration.. and gosh!! damn it~!! blame miie that i'm not fast enough on making choices... one to be a nurse and the other a patient... Luqman... that fellow... made the wise choice... i've left myself wif no other choices left but on the Nurse role to take part on... and say what... I HAVEN'T REVISED ANYTHING ON THAT YET~!!! i've piortize that to somewhere the last part of my piorities even... geex~~ jus... my... luck... i've embarrassed and made a whole fool outta myself... on the process of demonstrating how one's blood pressure is taken... hmmm* i shud have known... comparing the number of times the practical lecturer had emphasized on how impt these are... now that i know... i've placed ALL bio subs aside and had put all my concentration on practicals now... and hell miie... i hope the same thing doesn't happen tml... i'm gonna faint y'noe... really... geex... alright... a short day today... lessons are only from 10am to 2pm... now's 3:23pm... i've revised for more than an hour... see how long i'm gonna last today den... gosh... its damn cold in the comp lab in poly... water vapours had formed at lateral sides of the windows to such extend i even thought it rained... or even... i cant even get the blurrest view of the public... its seriously freezing here... i wunt forget to bring a sweater tml though... sigh*

2006-04-25T18:43:00.000+08:00

yay~!! new blog created!! how's it how's it?!?! gosh... nice right?? aww... i know it is... hahax... i spent quite some time hoping around blogs... collecting different stylish method of decorating the blog and fix them together... like those snow flakes... hahax... i took dem from my previous blog actually... LOLX~ ^^hmmm~~ geex.... tell u 1 more something about miie.. i do have some hearing problem... lolx... socialogy class... go on laughing if u wan to k? i had laughed my heart out about this silly joke i made outta myself... its more about debating today in socialogy class... and all of a sudden... we started talking about terrorist... as the main topic's somehow linked to killings... one student made a comment... *plz be sure yur not having any food in yur mouth while reading... i've choked myself on my own saliva on these...* "Osama Bin Laden thinks its right..." and u know wad i've heard?? i've mistaken the whole sentence as "Oh... Someone in London thinks its right..." wad about it?! LOLX... the whole class laughed their asses out... and look... i've changed... and being sporting enuff to join the class and laugh mine out too... hahax... but its close right?? geex... a lil too exaggerating... hahax...well... things in poly is really moving great... although as usual... i haven't made much frens yet... but that doesn't really matter... in fact... i don't care... jus simply don't want to repeat the history in my sec sch years... noted that i've always emphasized on these... sigh* really had left a great impact on miie though... the pros and cons on these too... cant believe it eh?? oh well... hMmMm~~ listening to Britney tru my discman now.. chillx... quite a nice song too.. although a lil outdated... ^^ alright... i'm back to my studies now already... for yur info.. i'm still in school now... hahax... there's this... computer lap wif more than hundreds of computer... wad'd u think? almost the size of the canteen in my secondary school... lolx... signing off now... ^^

2006-04-25T18:17:00.000+08:00

a new chapter of life begins... a new route and a whole new world for miie... i've revealed myself to a very different world in poly... unlike primary and secondary... teachers are those who had difficulties in finding classes... now... its both teachers and students are having difficulties... i will get used to these... i know i will... for how am i going to persue my further studies... i yet to know.. answers are bound to be found in my progress... i will definitely work hard... achieving my dreams... dreams... no... i have no dreams... those are goals... i will reach them... achieving my goals... are now more harder than usual... from primary industry, where we took up the course of spoon feeding.. to secondary industry where both the mixture of spoon feeding and independence comes into play... and finally... now... the tertiary studies... total independence... future really does lies in my hands... it had all become more realistic than ever now.. wad will i become in the next 10 years?? in actual fact... i donnoe myself... i'm moving a step at a time... like a lost boat in the Atlantic Ocean... all i hope is.. to find an island... for survival... tat... is all.. time really flies... to tell u i'm 18 this year myself... its quite hard... for i don believe that myself... till then... we shall see... see wad i shall be in 10 years time... see wad i wud and will become... wadeva it is... i hope things wud come out fine... wish miie luck... all the best to all of u too... ^^

HeRe~~ a NeW ChApTeR oF LiFe BeGiNs~~

HeRe a NeW ChApTeR oF LiFe BeGiNs